Ga Eul’s POV
Since I’d been born, whenever someone described me, they always said I was a sweet girl. Even Yi Jung said that a good girl like me shouldn’t mix with ‘bad boys’ like him because I’d end up crying. And it was true, in a way. I was like that. Naïve. Innocent. I wasn’t like Jan Di, who had suffered much more sorrow than I had, and thus had to grow up quickly to be her family’s support. I used to hide it from her when I needed help, because I felt so weak next to her strength.
Even after having my heart broken, I only grew up a little.
But after getting to know Woo Bin better, my personality had taken a 180° turn, or at least that’s how I felt. What had been going through my head when I asked him to do it again? I didn’t know, I just knew that I had to take any rope he threw my way, so I did, even if I sounded wanton… God, I must have sounded wanton. Worse, I had asked him to sleep with me only until he found that special person. What was I thinking? What kind of woman wouldn’t fall for Woo Bin immediately upon meeting him? Only one that was blind and deaf.
My mind had been reeling with these thoughts since the moment I left his room with his scent on my skin.
My first time.
It had been incredible and more beautiful than I could have imagined. Woo Bin was so careful with me, and hearing him say my name in that way while he was around me, on me, in me… It was more moving than I had expected; I definitely wanted to do it again, and damn the consequences. I thought about it constantly. I could still feel his caresses ghosting across the surface of my skin. I was sure he hadn’t left an inch of it untouched, and the memory of it thrilled me.
A knock on my door interrupted my train of thought.
“Ga Eul? Are you awake?”
“Woo Bin…” I opened the door quickly. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” he smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“Quite alright, thank you.”
“I’m glad. I came for you because it’s about time for you to see your parents. I know they’re used to Ji Hoo and I kidnapping you and Jan Di for an impulsive trip from time to time, but I don’t want to alarm them by keeping you prisoner for too long,” he teased.
I had spoken with my parents several times by phone since my kidnapping, but I hadn’t let them see me, and Woo Bin was right in not wanting to tempt our luck.
“The bruises on your face are hardly noticeable anymore,” he said and lifted his hand to caress my cheek. Tension radiated through him. Woo Bin had asked me to forgive him a thousand times while I was unconscious that first day. I had heard him as I drifted in and out of my medicated stupor. What Woo Bin didn’t understand was that there wasn’t anything to forgive. He had saved my life. It was I who was in his debt. “Would you like to…?” he started to ask, but then stopped.
“Yes?”
“Would you like to go out to breakfast with me? After that I’ll take you to your parents. And in the afternoon I could go with you to check on your enrollment for the new semester. It’s really lucky that you already finished your exams.”
His invitation caught me off guard, but I gladly accepted. It would be more difficult to find time to be near him now that I was to return to my parents, but I was sure I could come up with something. I knew it was impossible for Woo Bin to fall for me, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the sensations I had experienced in his bed the previous day. I was being selfish, but I wanted whatever part of him I could have, even if it was only in that way.
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Ji Hoo’s POV
After the uncomfortable scene between Ju Mi and Jan Di at the entrance, Jan Di and I went to our respective classrooms. I really hoped she was having a better time than I was. Because of my F4 status, people at least tried to tone down their murmuring as they passed me, but I didn’t know if they would have the same “courtesy” with Jan Di. I finished my exam as quickly as I could and went to wait for her where I could watch from a distance. If I saw her leaving with Ju Mi, I’d talk to her later.
Fifteen minutes went by before the bell rang and the doors opened. Students started to pour out, and I caught Ju Mi practically running away. Seconds later, Jan Di came out, clearly unsure of where to go. She finally saw me and walked in my direction, clearly trying to ignore the cloud of incessant whispers around her. I had been right; people were far less considerate towards her.
“Hi,” she greeted me listlessly.
“Hey. I see you haven’t talked with her yet.”
“No, when we arrived, it was impossible, and when the bell rang and class let out, well… perhaps you saw her.”
“She went running that way,” I pointed.
“She hates me. She hates me, and I feel horrible about all this.”
Despite the serious tone of our conversation, I couldn’t help but feel happy. Why? Because although it seemed we were surrounded by a constant buzz of gossip and a forest of curious eyes watching our every move, Jan Di didn’t seem to care or notice. That was more proof that this was all real. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her words or what my own heart told me, but after so many years of studying my now girlfriend’s nature, I knew she always preferred to fly low. In this moment, however, she had finally decided to stop caring what the world said. Well, except for Ju Mi.
“Somehow, you’ll get her to listen to you,” I tried to console her.
“I hope so. But I don’t have another exam with her today, and I have another test in ten minutes.”
“Want me to walk you there?”
“Yes.” She finally smiled, although it was a little tarnished by worry. “Thank you.”
And just like that, when I got up, Jan Di laced her fingers through mine and we started walking.
Would I ever stopped being amazed that she chose me? I didn’t think so.
There I was, on cloud nine, but even that bliss couldn’t shut out some of the crowd’s comments. Many of them weren’t even trying to hide it anymore.
“It can’t be, it can’t be, it cannot be! How can they be together!?” A voice said.
“Well, they’ve always been close, right?” another voice answered.
“It’s probably just a passing thing. He’ll get bored of her soon. There’s only one way a girl like that gets a man like Yoon Ji Hoo.” Okay, that was over the line.
“We are not like that,” I protested, already regretting being drawn into a response.
Frankly, I should have learned to ignore comments like that a long time ago, but I was still bothered that after seeing me next to Jan Di for years, they still thought I only wanted her for a one-night stand. While I ruminated on this, I realized that the person next to me shared my feelings about the matter.
“If you want to tell me something, come say it to my face!” Jan Di shouted, causing all the voices around us to fall silent. “Or don’t you dare? Come on, I dare you. Or are you all cowards, mommy and daddy’s little brats that need to be part of a flock because on your own you wouldn’t know how to wipe your own snot!?”
I usually would’ve stopped her, calmed her down, but I was having so much fun watching the shocked faces of the many girls staring daggers at Jan Di.
“You should admit what you really did to get Ji Hoo sunbae, commoner! Low class people like you know only one way!”
The accuser was a girl from Jan Di’s same year. Tall and beautiful by the standards I’d been raised to appreciate. Long auburn hair that reached her waist in perfect waves, designer clothes, and last season’s shoes. Nothing special.
I felt Jan Di’s hand gripping mine tightly and knew that she was trying to refrain from giving a demonstration of her famous flying kick—or worse.
I’d always found it funny how these girls could accuse Jan Di of being “easy” when they were the ones who would more than willingly offer themselves to warm the bed of an F4. I knew this from experience, although the ones who could better testify to it were the Don Juan and the Casanova.
Realizing that something like this would happen every day until they got tired, I did something very out of character for me. As Jan Di was about to retort, I stopped her, pulled her close to me, and kissed her. If the silence had been sepulchral when Jan Di shouted, now you could have heard a pin drop.
It was a quick and chaste kiss; the last thing I wanted were pictures of us making out popping up all over campus. I had been right in keeping it short; when I opened my eyes, I saw more than one astonished student trying to get their cellphones in camera mode.
“She’s worth more than any of you could ever imagine, but that’s none of your business. What I do ask of you is that, in the future, you won’t talk that way to my girlfriend. Thank you.” I turned to an open-mouthed, blushing Jan Di. “Shall we go?”
“Ji Hoo, how could you do that?” she laughed after we left behind the flabbergasted mob.
“It’s easier for them to shut up if I’m the one to say something. I’m still an F4 after all.”
“And the most deserving of that title,” she said with a smile, now making me blush. “Oh, come on, Ji Hoo! You can’t tell me you don’t know how devastatingly handsome you are?”
“Um…well…”
She was still chuckling when we reached her classroom, where she said goodbye to me with a sweet look. I still had an hour before my next exam, so I decided to stroll around the gardens until it was time.
Maybe I’ll take a nap.
My plans, however, had to be postponed when I found Ju Mi sitting forlornly on a bench close to the place I used to rest.
Perhaps I can help Jan Di with this.
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Ju Mi’s POV
In the days running up to exams week, I hadn’t been able to concentrate thinking about what I would say to Ji Hoo sunbae on the last day of the semester, when I would finally confess my feelings.
The reason I had asked Jan Di so many times if there was something more than friendship between the two of them wasn’t just because of the rumors. There was also what I could see for myself. They shared some kind of bond so strong that it seemed words weren’t necessary between them; when they were together, it was as if a gravitational force pulled them into orbit around each other. They understood and related to each other on a level I couldn’t fathom.
That’s why I had been so worried, but Jan Di had assured me earnestly over and over that they were just friends.
And what now? I had arrived at school only to hear the gossip that ‘Ji Hoo sunbae was kissing that commoner yesterday in the emergency staircase’. It was ridiculous, right? Impossible. That’s why I went to ask her directly. And it was true.
Misery and disappointment coursed through me.
“Ju Mi…”
“Ji Hoo sunbae!” I was shocked to see him there. Hastily, I tried to wipe away my tears before he could see them, but my efforts were in vain, because he quickly offered me a handkerchief. “Thank you.”
“Ju Mi, can I talk to you?”
“I…Well, I…”
“It will just take a moment, and I think you know what I want to talk to you about.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Ju Mi, Jan Di didn’t lie to you.”
“She did! Of course she did! She knew how I felt about you and still went and did something like that!”
“Believe me, Jan Di considers you a great friend and would never betray you. What happened between us started yesterday, and after that she was really worried about your reaction. She even told me she should’ve talked to you before, but things just… happened.”
I didn’t answer. How could I? Maybe everything he was telling me was true, but even if it was, I was too hurt to care.
“Perhaps if you listen to the whole story, you’d understand us a bit better. Jan Di and I knew each other years ago, when we both studied and Shinhwa high-school…”
Ji Hoo started to talk about the first time he saw her, how he hadn’t liked her but still couldn’t seem to avoid crossing her path or taking care of her. He told me about how it was Jan Di who pushed him to go after his first love, sacrificing what she felt for him. About how he came back in pieces and sought comfort in her, only to find she was already going out with his best friend, the great Goo Jun Pyo; and how after a big fight he stayed away because she was his “brother’s girl”.
He spoke of how they had always shared some kind of bond between them which allowed them to feel comfortable without words, of the trip to Macao, of Jun Pyo’s marriage, of his grandfather taking Jan Di under his wing….
He told me everything that had happened in all the time he and Jan Di had known each other, and how, after all that time, he never thought Jan Di would respond to the great love he felt for her.
“Ju Mi, I know I’m probably hurting you by telling you all this, but I think it’s necessary so you’ll understand that there can only ever be one woman for me. What happened between Jan Di and me is something I always hoped for but never believed could come to pass. I’m still surprised, but so, so grateful. And I also told you so you can see that Jan Di didn’t realize her feelings for me until she felt jealous of you.”
“O-Of me?”
“Yes, you. She told me that seeing me being so close with another girl made her jealous and forced her to face her own feelings.”
I thought about everything he’d said, and saw how all the pieces of this morning’s puzzle fit together. I was no longer mad, but I was still hurt.
“I’m not expecting you to be friends again right away, but I hope you can understand now that our story goes beyond a high-school crush or college sweetheart.” He gave me a smile, the kind that only a guy in love could give, and walked away.
“Wait! Ji Hoo sunbae! I… there’s something I need to tell you.” I knew it was ridiculous and useless, but I still needed to get all my feelings off my chest. I think he somehow guessed my intentions because he came back and gave me his full attention. I drew a breath to steady myself and spoke: “I have always admired you, even before I met you, thanks to Jan Di. I had always thought that you were a really handsome and intelligent guy. But, since the moment you offered to help me with my brother, I couldn’t help falling in love with you. I like you a lot, Ji Hoo sunbae. Will you go out with me?” That was it. I had practiced those few lines for days and I was glad I was able to say them out loud. That’s all I had wanted.
I wasn’t expecting Ji Hoo to reply.
“I’m very grateful for your words, Ju Mi-ssi. I really appreciate your feelings and am honored to receive them. Unfortunately, I’m in love with someone else. I’m sure you’ll find another person who can value you completely, because you deserve it. I hope we can still be friends.”
When had my tears started up again? I didn’t know, but I knew all my feelings for Ji Hoo were flowing out with them.
“Th-thank you, for listening,” I told him between sobs, and he put his hand on my head, patting me gently before respectfully bowing and leaving.
Watching his straight back disappear, I said goodbye to the love that had unexpectedly grown inside of me for the boy with the beautiful eyes and angelic smile.
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Woo Bin’s POV
After Ga Eul said goodbye to my parents, who had made her promise to come back soon if she ever needed anything, I took her to breakfast at a quiet restaurant in town. My plan was to eat, drop her off at school, and then take her home to see her parents. Unfortunately, I had discovered a problem: When Ga Eul got hot and took off her jacket, I could see that the blouse she had on didn’t cover her clavicles, which plainly showed three dark purple marks. I knew those marks well. After all, I had put them there.
“Um…Ga eul…”
“Yes?”
“Did you notice anything strange today? When you were getting ready to go out, maybe?”
“No, why? Do I have something on my face?” If only.
“I think it would be best if you went to the ladies room.” She got up. “Take your jacket!”
Ga Eul hurried to bathroom and I breathed slowly, trying to gain some control over the flow of memories in my head.
Ga Eul’s skin, the expressions on her face, her moans… Damn it; I needed a cold shower. Urgently.
When Ga Eul returned, her face was flushed and she had her jacket on again, covering the marks which I was sure she’d noticed.
“I’m sorry, I should have contained myself,” I apologized. When she didn’t answer, I assumed she was angry. I didn’t usually leave marks. Girls tended to get the wrong idea if I did. But with Ga Eul, I had wanted to mark her, to leave some evidence of the night we spent together. “We’ll go buy some different clothes before I take you to your parents.”
“Okay,” she replied in a faint voice, the soft pink blush still present in her cheeks.
We finished our breakfast in uncomfortable silence, and we didn’t say much in the car, either. I took her a high couture store, and Ga Eul’s jaw dropped when she checked the prices. She begged me to go to a cheaper store, but time was against us and, though I didn’t want to admit it, I was truly nervous about leaving her alone, at least at the moment. She didn’t know it, but while I wasn’t with her, the security tailing her had increased.
Something of my thoughts must have shown on my face, because her protests faded away, and she finally agreed to shop. The store staff was visibly relieved as they cordially welcomed us.
“It is wonderful to see you again, young master Song. What can we do for you today?”
“I’m looking for some clothes for my… friend. I know where everything is, so we’ll just help ourselves. I don’t want to be disturbed.”
“Of course, young master. Make yourself at home.”
Together, Ga Eul and I flipped through several clothing racks and checked out the mannequin displays. She rejected everything after seeing how expensive it was, so in the end I chose three pieces for her and sent her to try them on.
“There’s the changing room. If something doesn’t fit, let me know so I can bring you another size.”
She first came out with a gorgeous high-necked black blouse. It looked amazing on her. And even though Ga Eul was still protesting the expense, I could tell she liked it too. The second garment was a simple turtleneck sweater that perfectly covered her incriminating collarbones. All seemed to be going wonderfully until she called out to me from inside the dressing room.
“Woo Bin…”
“Yeah?”
“Could you call one of the salesladies, please?”
“What happened?”
“I got stuck.”
Without thinking, I went into the dressing room and saw her struggling with a shirt. The collar had hooked on her necklace, making it impossible to get it over her head. Ga Eul flinched when she heard me enter.
“Wait. Turn around and I’ll help you.”
I maneuvered her arms out of the sleeves and then focused on the snag inside. Suddenly I realized how close we were standing. My fingers working the chain of her necklace were inches from her naked back, and when I looked up at the mirror I saw the reflection of her breasts covered by the filmy fabric of her pink bra. I shivered.
“Woo Bin sunbae? Is it out yet?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I almost got it. Wait a second, lower your head a bit, and… there. You’re free.”
Ga Eul hugged herself around the waist but made no effort to cover herself up or to push me out of the dressing room. My breath hitched, and my hand went to her back, but I stopped when I heard her speak.
“I’ve never had one of these,” she mused, her fingers rising to touch the marks on her neck. “How-How did you do it?”
Was she really asking me that?
“Well… you have to suck the skin, and maybe bite it a little bit? Look, I’m really sorry Ga Eul. In heat of the moment I got carried away and—”
“I like them,” she interrupted. I saw she was blushing again like in the restaurant. Was it because of that she got so quiet? She was embarrassed to like them? “I… don’t know why. Is that weird? I just feel as if you—”
“Marked you?” I finished. Ga Eul didn’t answer, but the look in her eyes was enough to tell me that yes, she liked having been marked by me.
Since when had sweet Ga Eul become such a temptress?
I wasn’t even sure how it happened, but before I knew it, I had Ga Eul pressed up against a wall of the small dressing room, pinning her arms above her head, my mouth on hers, exploring her, discovering her again. Did she really not notice the effect she had on me? I wanted to treasure her, to make her love me; but her actions, gestures, and declarations like that one were stripping away my resolve, making me crazy.
“How long… do they take …to disappear?” she asked me between gasps as I moved from her mouth to her clavicle, touching my lips to the marks I had left.
“A couple of days… maybe.” When I pulled back to look at her, I could see that the idea didn’t sit well with her. At that moment, I finally understood the bond Ji Hoo had described to me, the way Jan Di didn’t have to speak for him to guess what she wanted.
I suddenly knew, with total certainty, what Ga Eul wanted: another mark.
She offered her neck willingly to me in a way that made my lower body ache.
“Not on the neck,” I said, kissing her again before releasing her hands to grab her by the waist. She threw her arms around my neck and let a sigh escape.
“Then, in a place only you can see it,” she whispered. Okay, it was official. This girl was going to be my damnation.
One of my hands wandered upward from her waist to gently cup her left breast, the fabric smooth against my skin. I rubbed a thumb gently across a spot just above the lacy edge of her bra and heard her breath catch raggedly. I didn’t need more authorization than that.
I dipped my head to suck at her soft skin, putting all my effort into making a mark that wouldn’t vanish for at least a week. I felt Ga Eul’s body shudder against mine, listening to the little whimpers she was trying to suppress. She buried her fingers in my hair to pull me closer; her desire lit the flame of mine, and I grew more and more turned on.
After a couple of minutes, the mark showed deep red against the paleness of her skin, and a strong feeling of possession I hadn’t felt before washed over me. Seeing the stamp of my passion on her sent one thought reverberating through my mind.
She is mine.
We went back to kissing and my hands wandered to her chest again, where my caress provoked that low sensual mewl that only I knew about.
“Excuse me, young master Song. Is everything alright?”
At the sound of the saleslady’s voice, we jumped apart as if we’d been struck by lightning.
“It’s—” Clear your throat, Woo Bin. “It’s all good, thank you.”
“Alright then. Call me if you need anything.”
We heard her leave, and both Ga Eul and I blew out a sigh of relief. I looked at her, and she looked at me. We smiled. Soon, the smile turn into full-on laughter that we shared like a couple of kids that almost got caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
“It would be best if I left before she returns,” I said.
“Okay.” She was looking at herself in the mirror again, her fingers caressing the latest mark I had left on her. No one but she and I would know where it was. “Thank you,” she said, holding my gaze in the mirror.
I knew she wasn’t talking about the clothes.
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Jan Di’s POV
The day passed in a haze of constant whispers and insults. By the time I had finished my last exam, I was sure there was no one who didn’t yet know about me and Ji Hoo, including the teachers. Strangely, though, I felt good. I had been expecting the gossip and ill will to affect me as it did the first time, when I was with Jun Pyo and everyone sneered at me because I was the girlfriend of the leader of the F4, but no. I felt so incredibly good.
Except for the issue with Ju Mi.
It tormented me to think that the only person I really considered to be a friend in that place had been hurt because of me. Because I didn’t speak up in time. Because I didn’t realize my feelings sooner.
Walking through the halls, I decided to text Ji Hoo to let him know I would wait for him in the parking lot, but before I could do it, I noticed a new message in my inbox. I stopped when I saw it was from Ju Mi.
I know it wasn’t your intention to hurt me. If you want to talk, it’s okay, but I’d rather we do it tomorrow.
XO
~Ju Mi~
I released a sigh I didn’t know I was holding. She would allow me to talk to her, to explain. That was good enough; I had to find a way to make her understand that everything had happened so suddenly even I had been surprised by it.
“Are you happy?” came a familiar voice near my ear. I didn’t flinch, because it was the voice I found most calming in all the world.
“Yes, very.” I turned around and smiled at Ji Hoo.
He laced his fingers with mine and together we walked to the exit.
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Jae Kyung’s POV
For the last few weeks I had invested my time in trying to make plans for the Art Center Jun Pyo’s mother wanted. It had to be grand to please my mother-in-law, and I was nearly out of inspiration. I had thought to find some guidance by studying the plans for Yoon Group’s center, but after looking them over, I realized it was hopeless.
“I don’t understand how they keep it running,” I said, falling across the ample couch in our bedroom.
“What do you mean?” Jun Pyo asked. He had arrived home early from the office and was now reading a newspaper.
“I tried to study the business plan of Yoon Group—”
“You mean Ji Hoo?”
“Not him directly, but yes. However, their plans don’t help me at all. Did you know that the Yoon Art Centre for Kids and Teens is even more successful than I thought? The worst part is that they don’t have highly visible public sponsors or extraordinary donations. It’s a very discreet but talented association, and there are at least five kids who have already secured a place at Juilliard!”
“That’s impressive, but you shouldn’t be surprised. In Korea, the Yoon Group is the biggest, most powerful entity when it comes to the arts,” Jun Pyo answered before taking his glass of juice and drinking a few sips.
“Yeah, but I’m sure that a large part of their success is owed to Jan Di.”
The effect of my words was immediate. Jun Pyo choked, coughing juice all over his pressed shirt.
“What… are you… talking about, m-monkey?” he asked me between coughs.
“Well, it’s obvious that many of the ideas for the Art Centre are Jan Di’s. I hadn’t noticed before, but when I saw her pictures in the documentation, I kicked myself for not realizing it earlier.”
“Pictures?”
“Look” I went for the reports “all these documents talk about the formation of the art centre, the plans, the kids, and the mentoring option, and many other articles refer to events in which the students of the Art Centre have participated. Jan Di’s name is never mentioned, but look, there she is.”
Jun Pyo sprang from his seat and took the papers with a look of disbelief on his face. When he found her in one of the photos, his features softened and the ghost of an honest smiled adorned his lips.
“She has changed a lot, hasn’t she?” I asked, and a couple of seconds passed before he answered me.
“She looks the same to me.”
Jun Pyo checked the only three articles –one from the paper and two from the internet- in which Jan Di appeared among the crowd. Her hair had grown long, her posture was more upright, and her beauty had definitely increased.
It was rare for Jun Pyo and I to mention Jan Di’s name; I could count the occasions on the fingers of one hand. I avoided it because even though I knew Jun Pyo wasn’t as tormented with her memory as he was in the beginning, I also knew he still loved her.
And that hurt.
“It would be best if you throw all this away,” he told me, handing back the documents.
“Why, Jun?” I asked.
“Because though all of that is really pretty, it is not the approach my mother or the Shinhwa/JK Group is looking for. Be careful and don’t show her those pictures. I don’t want to have a pointless argument.”
“What do you mean?”
“My mother won’t hesitate to trash your plans if you base them on the ideas of a woman she thinks is beneath her ‘standards’. And she despises Jan Di, not least of all because she fears her becoming one of us.”
“I’m not following you, Jun…”
“Look closely at these pictures, Jae Kyung,” he said. I was surprised. Jun Pyo rarely used my full name. “Ji Hoo is looking at her in all of them.”
Without another word, he turned around and left the bedroom, letting the door slam behind him. I took the pictures again and looked at them more carefully. Ji Hoo was in all of them, same as Jan Di, but a closer examination revealed that in each one of the pictures, the two of them were looking at each other.
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Jun Pyo’s POV
I had almost spit out my juice in surprise when Jae Kyung mentioned Jan Di’s name, and then was shocked all over again to hear that it had been Jan Di’s ideas at the center of the Art Centre of Yoon Group.
At first I didn’t believe it, but when I read the word ‘mentoring’, I knew. That compassionate approach had Jan Di’s stamp all over it. A quick skim of three articles revealed that most of the kids welcomed in the centre hadn’t had an opportunity to study because of lack of resources. Yes, that was definitely her, and it made me smile. Even after rubbing shoulders with the rich, the essence of Jan Di hadn’t changed at all.
And those pictures…
The exterior of the woman who had stolen my heart had changed somewhat. Her hair now fell to her waist, and she was dressed in beautiful dresses and expensive jewelry, but the only thing I noticed was what she wore best: her smile. That honest, open, and sincere smile that Jan Di always wore when she was truly happy.
However, I soon realized that the children weren’t the exclusive cause of her happiness: Yoon Ji Hoo, my best friend, my brother… In each picture she was looking at him, smiling.
I had held on to my outward calm and given Jae Kyung good advice before quickly leaving our room; it wasn’t fair to her to let her see me upset over Jan Di. It was only after I locked myself in the bathroom that I finally let loose the sadness I felt inside. There was no crying; I didn’t do that anymore. But I had to lean against the sink for support as the misery squeezed me in its merciless grasp.
It had been two years, two fucking years, and I still felt the pain of hearing her name as if it was yesterday.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t know she was now under Ji Hoo’s care. Although I hadn’t maintained constant communication with the F4, we always called each other on important dates like Christmas and birthdays. Yi Jung was hard to get in touch with, but it was easier with Woo Bin and Ji Hoo, and in those conversations with Ji Hoo he had always subtly mentioned that ‘everyone’ was okay, that ‘everyone’ was studying hard in college, and that ‘everyone’ was being well taken care of. Obviously his ‘everyone’ included Woo Bin, Ga Eul, who was now also part of our strange group, and Jan Di.
Thanks to my two friends, I had found out that Jan Di was now studying medicine and that her parents had come back from the fishing island and reopened the laundry business. Her father had also gotten a small job in a local company, to help keep the family afloat. Although, knowing Jan Di, she probably still took some jobs here and there to give the money to her family.
I hadn’t seen Jan Di’s face since we said goodbye after my wedding. The pictures Jae Kyung showed me were the first visual contact I had allowed myself since that day. I had pictures of Jan Di, videos that Ji Hoo had sent me from the time I had been in Macao, but I decided that watching them would be needlessly painful, considering that I was forever separated from the woman I loved.
And there was the sting in my chest again, but this time, it was from guilt.
There I was, still suffering from the memory of my first girlfriend, when on my ring finger I bore the weight of a marriage with Ha Jae Kyung. Over the past few years we had learned to live in peace with each other.
She was excellent, one of the best women I knew, and despite my bad humor, whims and immaturity, she loved me. I hated that I couldn’t feel the same for her. I loved her. Of course I loved her, and no one could say otherwise, but it wasn’t the kind of strong love I should be feeling for my wife.
I knew it wasn’t fair to Jae Kyung, and that’s why I tried by all possible means not to show her how much anything related to Jan Di affected me.
Sighing heavily, I decided to take a shower to lure the demons out. After all, Jan Di was far away, and Jae Kyung was here with me.
Jan Di was far away.
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Jan Di’s POV
I felt lighthearted as Ji Hoo and I headed to the restaurant where we were meeting Woo Bin and Ga Eul. Our exams were over. I had managed to talk with Ju Mi, and after a couple of hours of tears and apologies I could feel the relief of knowing we were still friends.
Everything was going wonderfully, and I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so happy.
“Yo, yo, my bro!” Woo Bin welcomed Ji Hoo with a strong hug. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How’ve you been?”
“I’m good. How are you?” Ji Hoo asked.
“Pretty good.”
What they said next was lost to my ears while Ga Eul and I hugged each other. I hadn’t seen my friend since the attack. She had told me she didn’t want me to see her until she was recovered, and truthfully I didn’t notice anything wrong with her, except that she was wearing a turtle neck sweater in this weather. I assumed she was covering a wound, because Ji Hoo told me she had suffered several injuries.
“Do you have any idea how worried I was, Ga Eul?” I sobbed into her shoulder.
“I missed you so much, Jan Di!” She was also crying.
“Don’t you ever, ever, make me worry like that again.”
The guys let us go at it until we calmed down a bit and decided to order something to eat. We caught up on many things and the laugher fell easily from our lips, so much that my cheeks started to hurt.
“Oh, right. There’s something we haven’t told you,” said Ji Hoo suddenly in the middle of dessert.
“What?” asked Woo Bin.
“Well, it’s kind of complicated,” he said, a serious look coming over his face. I had to work to contain my laugh. Ji Hoo had already told me he was going to try to play it up.
“Sunbae, don’t scare us, don’t scare me. Does it have something to do with Grandfather?” Ga Eul asked, worried.
“No, it has to do with Jan Di.”
“Has something happened to you?” Woo Bin asked me, clearly concerned. “Ji Hoo, you know that if it has something to do with security, I can—”
“No,” Ji Hoo cut him off, “it’s not anything like that. As I told you, it’s a little bit complicated to explain, so…”
Ji Hoo inched his chair closer to mine and wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned my head on his shoulder and let my hand cover his free one where it rested on the table. Woo Bin looked confused, but Ga Eul’s eyes lit up at once.
“Omo! Omo, omo, omo!” A big smile spread across her face. “Jan Di-ah! Don’t tell me you and sunbae…?”
“Wait a second!” It seemed that Woo Bin had finally caught on. “You two!?”
“If you’re asking if Jan Di and I are a couple, then yes, we have been for a few days,” Ji Hoo answered with a sly smirk, like a child pulling off a prank.
“I knew it! Oh I knew it, Jan Di! Finally!” Ga Eul jumped in her seat and shook Woo Bin forcefully in excitement. Woo Bin just let himself be manhandled, shock making his mouth hang open.
I couldn’t help but laugh at our friends’ reactions. It had taken me too long to see Ji Hoo’s love for me, and to realize my love for him. And I couldn’t begin to describe how great it felt to say that Yoon Ji Hoo was my boyfriend. Even better, knowing that we had promises and plans of spending the rest of our lives together filled me with warmth. I was completely in love, and it didn’t feel like the ‘honeymoon phase’ would pass anytime soon.
That night, Woo Bin promised me that on another day he would tell me all the embarrassing stories he could remember of Ji Hoo’s childhood so that I could have some advantage in an argument, and Ga Eul made me promise that I would tell her about the confession in great detail. We would have kept chatting, but Woo Bin had a phone call, and then the two of them left so that Woo Bin could get her home to her family. I felt at ease knowing that he was taking care of my best friend.
Ji Hoo and I went back home with some takeout for grandfather, but we couldn’t find him anywhere, so we stuffed it into the refrigerator. The staff had already left for the day, so we were alone.
“How do you feel now that it’s official?” Ji Hoo asked me as I followed him to his room so he could hang up his coat.
“What do you mean ‘now that it’s official’? Wasn’t it official a few days ago?” I jokingly answered from the threshold.
“You know what I mean, little otter.”
“I do know, and it feels really, really great.” I approached him. “I don’t know if I already told you this, but I’m very, very happy… I’m a little afraid of being this happy.”
“You’re afraid? I’m terrified!”
“Why?” I gasped.
“Because I have loved you for so long,” he touched his forehead to mine and cradled my face with his hands “that I’m afraid all of this is an extraordinary dream from which I’ll soon wake up.”
“Look at me, Ji Hoo. I’m real. This is real. You and me.”
His eyes held mine and I could feel that he was weighing the truth of my words. After a couple of seconds, that angelical smile appeared on his face, and he leaned in to kiss me.
How many times had I kissed Ji Hoo? I wasn’t sure anymore, and, frankly, I didn’t want to count. When you’re with the person you want to be with, you stop counting, because when you know it’s forever it doesn’t matter anymore.
Ji Hoo’s lips had always been tender when kissing me, warm and soft.
My arms wound around his neck and his strong hands gripped my waist, never breaking our connection. He deepened the kiss, and my lips parted slightly, accommodating his without conscious thought. Time passed unnoticed, and this time when I felt his tongue skirt my lower lip, I didn’t flinch. He hadn’t done that again since the lake, and somehow I knew he had been restraining himself.
As the warmth of his kiss spread through me, I melted against him, anxious to be closer. Does he feel the same way?
Without giving it much thought, I responded in kind to his advances, eager to explore. The moment my tongue touched his, he pulled back, looking at me with incredulous eyes.
“I’m sorry” I said. “D-Did I do something wr—?”
Before I could finish the word ‘wrong’, his lips came down on mine again, harder, more demanding, urgent with desire. Our hands moved of their own accord, mine roaming to his hair, his neck, his face, even as his seemed determined to touch every inch of me. Each time our lips met, we fought to taste what the other had to offer, and it was comforting and exquisite, because Ji Hoo tasted like something I would never be able to put a name to, something that was captivating and alluring.
I heard his breathing, as agitated as mine, and felt his heart beating frenetically beneath my fingertips. We had somehow moved towards the wall, and soon my back was against it. Ji Hoo paused, allowing a sliver of light between us, his breath and mine colliding and mixing in the air.
“I love you.”
I was prevented from answering him by the pressure of his mouth claiming mine once more. The tingling of my skin increased almost unbearably as his hands caressed me. They were everywhere—at my waist, skimming down my arms, stroking the side of my neck. Then one of them descended slowly… to finally, softly, touch my breast…
“Ahem!”
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Ji Hoo’s POV
How lost must we have been in each other not to notice when someone arrived at home? The cough I heard behind me practically made me jump out of my skin, and Jan Di let out a tiny, strangled scream.
“Err… well, I only wanted to let you know I was home. Jan Di, maybe you want to go rest? It’s getting late.”
I turned to look at her and saw how embarrassed she was at being caught out in that way. After a quick ‘Goodnight’, Jan Di disappeared behind her bedroom door, leaving me at the mercy of Grandfather. I awaited my lecture.
“Well, um… Goodnight, son.”
That’s it? I was expecting shouting and anger. Expecting him to take me outside and tell me how indecent I was for doing something like that under his roof, in his home—
And then I realized why my grandfather hadn’t disowned me on the spot. Jan Di and I had been in my room and, unfortunately, I had no proper doors, just a wide opening between the common area and my sleeping area. I had never had to worry about privacy after spending all my life alone.
My mind went back to what had happened a few minutes ago, and I was flooded with thoughts of Jan Di: her quick breathing, the feel of her eager lips and her hypnotizing tongue, her hands disheveling my hair…
I’ll have these doors installed tomorrow.